Zings Of The Day July 19, 2011

Borders Group canceled an upcoming bankruptcy auction and will close its doors for good, as it liquidates. The final chapter is titled "End game." Or 50% off. Whichever works for you.

Bank of America Corporation (BAC) today reported a net loss of $8.8 billion, or $0.90 per diluted share. Shares fell despite a broader market rally. The company has since been renamed "Tank of America."

News Corp. (NASDAQ: NWSA) is considering elevating Chief Operating Officer Chase Carey to succeed Rupert Murdoch. The billionaire tyrant who made a fortune thanks to Bart Simpson. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.