'The Only Way She's Going To Get It Is By Letting Her Suffer' Suze Orman's Tough Advice For Mother Whose Daughter Maxed Out Her Credit Cards

When a mother named TJ wrote to Suze Orman's "Women & Money" podcast for help, she described a difficult situation: her 22-year-old daughter, a full-time student working weekends and part-time hours, had maxed out her credit cards — again.

Two years earlier, the daughter refinanced her car to pay off her credit cards, but following the death of her father, she slipped back into debt and now owes $15,000. Her credit accounts have been closed, and she's locked into a payment plan she can't afford. Struggling to cover even gas and personal expenses, she turned to her mother for help.

TJ said she refuses to help her daughter financially and asked Orman for guidance.

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Orman didn't hold back. "Do exactly what you have been doing, TJ," she said. "It's just that simple. Obviously, this is a woman who needs to learn until she gets it, and the only way she's going to get it is by letting her suffer."

Tough Love, Financial Lessons

Orman’s advice may sound harsh, but it's rooted in a principle she has long preached: personal responsibility. For young adults, particularly college students or recent graduates, early financial mistakes can leave lasting scars — but they can also be powerful teaching moments. Orman often emphasizes that bailing out a financially irresponsible loved one might only delay the inevitable reckoning.

According to a U.S. News & World Report survey, over 42% of college students carry credit card debt. Many use credit for essentials like books and housing, but nearly half report spending on nonessentials like dining out and impulsive shopping. 

In TJ's daughter's case, a mix of emotional spending and financial missteps pushed her into a deep hole.

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Why Credit Card Debt Hits Students So Hard

Credit cards can be useful tools for building credit, but only when used responsibly. Students are especially vulnerable to making mistakes. A missed or late payment can lead to fees, higher interest rates, and a drop in credit score — a black mark that can linger for years.

A lack of financial literacy compounds the issue. Only 27% of students surveyed by U.S. News correctly identified what "revolving a balance" means. And nearly one in five didn't realize that credit cards require regular monthly payments.

These misunderstandings can quickly snowball into real financial harm. Even a $2,000 balance on a card with 20% interest could take over two years to pay off with minimum payments — costing hundreds in interest alone.

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What Should Parents Do?

While TJ's instinct to withhold financial help may seem cold, Orman's response highlights the long-term benefits of letting young adults face the consequences of their choices. That doesn't mean parents can't help at all. 

Morgan Stanley suggests starting with open conversations about budgeting, the risks of debt, and the value of credit. Teaching financial basics early can help prevent bigger issues later.

Adding a student as an authorized user to a parent’s card or encouraging responsible use of a student credit card can be helpful — but only if the student understands how credit works.

Bottom Line

Orman's blunt advice isn't about punishment — it's about growth. Letting someone "suffer," as she puts it, may be the push they need to take ownership of their finances. For parents of financially struggling adult children, the lesson is clear: emotional support doesn't have to mean writing a check. Sometimes, the hardest part of helping is stepping back.

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